7/7: 10 Years On

Ten years ago today my husband and I were in our hotel in London when news of the first bomb reached us.  We were due to return home that morning, but within hours the whole of central London had come to a complete standstill.  The usually full of life Covent Garden was completely empty, and the city felt like a ghost town.  My family and friends were frantic with worry, but it was impossible to communicate with the outside world for quite a few hours as the phone lines were jammed, and the very little internet access our hotel had was constantly in use by people trying to contact their loved ones.

It was terrifying.  We didn't know if or when another attack would happen, so after briefly trying (and failing - we only got as far as Covent Garden which was completely deserted) to make our way across central London (what were we thinking?!), we decided to stay where we were until it was safe to travel across the city to where our car was parked, which unknown to us at the time was very close to where one of the bombs had gone off. There were police everywhere, and there was no way of knowing if there were going to be any more bomb blasts. But luckily, we managed to check back into our hotel (on Piccadilly Circus), so at least we had a place to stay. 

The part of Central London where we were staying came to a virtual standstill. There was no public transport, many of the shops and restaurants were closed and the entire West End shut down. But the way in which everyone coped with the situation was a true inspiration. Everyone pulled together and that indomitable spirit of the people of London was there for the world to see.

We finally managed to get out of Central London at midnight, eventually arriving home at around 3am. We could have stayed until morning, but all we wanted to do at that point was to go home.

I decided then that I would not let what had happened prevent me from visiting London again in the future, and true to my word I have been back as often as my personal circumstances would allow. 

I love London. It's such a vibrant city and so full of life. I refused then (and I refuse now) to let these people stop me from spending time in a city that I love. I refuse to let them win. When things like this happen I think of what our parents, grandparents and great grandparents went through during the war and the way in which they did not allow their spirits to be broken. And neither will we.

I will never forget how I felt on that day for as long as I live.

But we were the lucky ones.

Today we remember everyone who lost their lives on that devastating day in London. And our thoughts are also with those whose lives were changed forever by the horrifying events that took place on 7/7/05.

I leave you with the words of George Psaradakis, the driver of the No. 30 bus in Tavistock Square, which remain just as poignant today, especially in light of the recent devastating events in Tunisia:

"You will not defeat us. You will not break us."

Poem: I Am Me by Cal Turner

I wrote this poem when my daughter was a little girl. She's 23 now and is a full time wheelchair user, but at the time she walked with the aid of callipers (leg braces) and a walker. It used to frustrate me so much when people used to stop and stare at her. I couldn't understand why they couldn't see the beautiful, determined little girl I could see. I was (and still am) so proud of my daughter.

I Am Me

Why do you stop to look and stare

When you see me standing there

Why can't you see that I am too

Just another child like you

My legs are weak, my will is strong

All I want is to belong

Callipers help me stand up tall

Without them I know I should fall

I laugh, I talk, I walk, I cry

My steps are slow but I get by

Life is as full as it can be

I am glad that I am me

So when you stop to look and stare

Don't pity me, just treat me fair

For I am just a child like you

A little girl who loves life too

By Cal Turner

(copyright Cal Turner 2015)

Caring For A Loved One - Carers Week 2015

I don't often talk about my caring role, especially in public where my daughter is likely to see it, as I respect her privacy too much to do that. But as it's Carers Week (and with her permission), I'm going to make an exception to that rule just this once. You see, as the full time carer of a loved one, I don't see what I do as a job or a chore. I love my daughter, and I do it because I'm her mum and that's what mums do. The fact she's now 23 and still has to rely on me for so many things doesn't even come into it. She's my little girl. And I'll be here to take care of her for as long as I'm able to (but that is an issue for another day).

But. Yes, unfortunately (as much as I hate it) there has to be a but.

That love is what the UK government relies on. It knows that we're never going to give up on our loved ones, no matter how poorly we are treated. Being a carer is hard. My daughter has complex disabilities that most people don't understand, not even those closest to us really understand most of the issues she has to cope with.

I think most people believe that as I don't go out to work every day, I just sit on my backside doing nothing. They don't see the lifting and handling, the physical help needed to get in and out of bed, to get dressed, to wash and shower, to take care of toileting needs, or the help with personal care issues that can be required at any time of the day or night. Just because we don't complain about it, doesn't mean it isn't happening.

And it isn't just physical support. It's emotional support, financial support, the day to day routine of every day life, trying to ensure she leads as full and as active a life as possible. And it's bloody hard! Especially when outside help is practically none existent. Luckily I have a great husband (that works full time), who will always help out whenever he can, but the majority of her care is down to me and me alone.

My daughter needs support in so many aspects of her life that other people take for granted. It can be a lonely life, both for me as her carer and for her as a young person who has a disability.  And that care needs to be available 24/7, 365 days of the year. When we go away for a few days, my caring role doesn't stop. My daughter's disability doesn't go away. It's just relocated to a different place.

And just because I'm a carer, please don't think that I'm a saint. I have good and bad days the same as anyone else. I don't always have a beaming smile on my face and neither does my daughter. We're only human and sometimes the situation we're in can become too much for both of us. We argue and bicker just the same as any other mother and daughter, only with the added pressure having a
disability and being a carer can bring.

The love and respect we have for each other is what helps us through the hard times. We smile and laugh (sometimes at things that would bring other people down to their knees), and yes, sometimes we cry. Life is hard, but it isn't all bad. We're mostly happy.

But do you know what would make us happier? If people could understand that living life as a person with a disability isn't easy. It isn't a lifestyle choice, and neither is being a carer. We're not 'scroungers',  as people with disabilities are so often labelled these days. We're just people who are making the best of the hand they've been dealt. All we want is to be treated fairly and with a little bit of respect.

Please don't treat us as though we don't exist, or that our lives are not as important as anyone else's. Allow us to be visible in our communities, to be valued members of society. Please let our voices be heard.

Thank you for reading.

Book Review: The Broken by Tamar Cohen

Title: The Broken
Author: Tamar Cohen
Release Date: 23rd April 2015
Rating: 4 Stars

Thanks to Netgalley who gave me an ARC of 'The Broken' in exchange for an honest review.

This book really does take you on an emotional rollercoaster of a ride. I found the majority of the characters to be unlikeable, although as the story continued and their past histories began to unfold, I could understand why they really are 'the broken' of the title.

I don't like to comment too much on unexpected twists and turns in books, but unlike other reviews I've seen, certain things didn't come as a complete surprise to me, which is why I've rated this book 4 stars instead of 5. I don't think it's a reflection on the writing, as I thought The Broken' was beautifully written. I think it has more to do with the fact that I've read a lot of books with a surprising twist in the tale, so I'm always looking out for the unexpected.

That said, I thought 'The Broken' was a wonderful book and one that I would recommend. It was my first Tamar Cohen book, but will most definitely not be my last.

A good solid 4 stars.

Book Review: No Other Darkness by Sarah Hilary

Title: No Other Darkness (DI Marnie Rome Book 2)
Author: Sarah Hilary
Release Date: 23rd April 2015
Rating: 5 Stars

I didn't think Sarah Hilary would be able to top 'Someone Else's Skin', but with 'No Other Darkness' she has managed to do it with ease. 'No Other Darkness' is book 2 of the DI Marnie Rome series, and is filled with twists and turns that will keep you guessing, and just as you think you have it all worked out, something else happens that makes you realise you couldn't have been further from the truth.

An excellent read, with a wonderful cast of characters, and a storyline that makes you want to keep turning the page until you reach its heartbreaking conclusion.  DI Marnie Rome continues to be an intriguing character who is still haunted by the murder of her parents, and I look forward to reading more of her story as the series (hopefully) continues. Past events are referenced throughout 'No Other Darkness', so I would recommend reading book 1 in the series first.

Highly recommended. A well deserved 5 stars.

Book Review: Evil Games by Angela Marsons

Title: Evil Games (DI Kim Stone Book 2)
Author: Angela Marsons
Release Date: 29th May 2015
Rating: 5 Stars

Thank you to Netgalley who gave me an ARC of Angela Marsons Evil Games in exchange for an honest review.

If anything, this second instalment of Angela Marsons DI Kim Stone series is even better than the first. In it, we are introduced to Dr. Alexandra Thorne, a psychiatrist who we quickly learn isn't everything she appears to be. The mind of a sociopath is a dangerous place to go, and DI Kim Stone soon comes to realise that Dr. Alexandra Thorne is not only a danger to her patients, manipulating them into carrying out crimes they would not otherwise have committed, but will also try to get into her head to bring forth memories she has fought to keep hidden since she was a small child.

What follows is a tense, edge of your seat thriller, that once started you do not want to put down. A thrilling 5 star read, and one that I highly recommend.

Book Review: We Are All Made of Stars by Rowan Coleman

Title: We Are All Made of Stars
Author: Rowan Coleman
Release Date: 21st May 2015
Rating: 5 Stars

Thank you to Netgalley who gave me an ARC of Rowan Coleman's 'We Are All Made of Stars' in exchange for an honest review.

I can always tell when a book has got to me emotionally, and that's when instead of racing through it to find out what happens in the end (like I do with crime novels), I find myself incredibly reluctant to finish it. And this is exactly how I felt as I was reading Rowan Coleman's 'We Are All Made of Stars'. I found myself reading each chapter slowly, savouring every beautifully written word, so it would take me as long as it possibly could to reach the end of the story.

It was a book that swept me away on a tide of pure emotion. It was funny, sad, happy, bittersweet and yes, at times heartbreaking, but ultimately it was a story full of hope that left me with a lovely warm glow when I reluctantly completed the last page.

It's a book full of very real characters, who are going through very real human emotions as they come face to face with their own mortality, and I fell in love with each and every character.  From Stella to Hope, to Hugh to Issy, and yes, even to Jake the cat. I really didn't want to say goodbye to these characters, and could quite happily have continued to read about them for some time to come.

A beautifully written novel that deserves every one of the 5 stars I'm giving it. If I could give it more, I would! Highly recommended.